Learning to Dance With Fear
I was binge watching The Wonder Years on Netflix (yes, The Wonder Years… don’t judge me!) and there was an episode where Kevin, the main character, was learning to play the piano and practicing for a recital.During the rehearsal, the person who played before Kevin played flawlessly. When it was Kevin’s turn he made a bunch of mistakes and stormed out of the rehearsal feeling ashamed.One the night of the recital Kevin stood on the street watching though the window. He then rode away on his biker never playing the piano again.
This was heartbreaking to watch.
I couldn't help but think how many times we've all done something similar; given up on our dreams too quickly, letting the fear of failure stop us from living our true potential.
The truth is, failure is inevitable. It will always exist in one way or another. But it's our relationship with fear that determines if we'll live a mediocre or an extraordinary life.
“... I don’t try to kill off my fear. I don’t go to war against it. Instead, I make space for it. Heaps of space. Every single day. I’m making space for fear right this moment. I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes, too.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic
We have two choices; we can let fear hold us back, or we can dance with it and say YES to life.
I say we choose the latter and befriend fear.
Here are some tips on how:
#1: Get to know the voice of your fear
To befriend fear we must be able to recognize what it sounds like. It’s the voice within us that says that we can’t, that makes excuses and says we’re not good enough. It’s the voice that creates drama and turmoil out of thin air.Fear is always with us, but is often triggered when we step outside of our comfort zones or make big life changing decisions.The best way to begin to recognize the voice of your fear is to make a big scary decision, and then listen closely to the voices in your head.Recently I had a chance to get really cozy with my fear. My boyfriend and I made a decision to buy a trailer and travel the states for an extended amount of time. A few days after we made this decision I had the craziest thoughts… trailer on fire, dogs lost, the hills have eyes kind of crazy thoughts. I knew this was the voice of fear rearing its ugly head.Listen for this voice. Observe it. Witness it. Befriend it. But never give into it. Never let it hold you back from saying yes to life.(In this blog post I talk more about our inner gremlins).
#2: Forgive yourself.
We’ve all failed or given into fear at some point in our life. It’s happened to all of us. It’s time to loosen fears grip and forgive yourself for all these moments.Take a stroll down memory lane and think of times when you gave into fear, and then forgive yourself for these moments. You can say, “I forgive you” out loud. Or you can write a letter of forgiveness to yourself. Or even write a letter to fear.Do what feels good to you, but don’t hold onto these moments. They’re in the past. Let them go.
#3: Do it anyways.
Saying YES to life is scary, sometimes it’s really really scary. Feel the fear and do it anyways.Even if you fail, do it anyways. Try again, and then again, and then about 10 more times.
#4: Live outside your comfort zone.
Comfort zone’s are a safe place and fear loves living there. But when we give into fear we give it power. Living outside our comfort zone constantly pushes our personal limits and challenges our fear. Make an effort to step outside of your comfort zone often. It doesn’t have to be huge acts, but little things daily will continue to push your forward and challenge your fear.Until next time, remember to have the courage to say YES to life!