3 ways to dive into self-discovery when you've lost touch with who you are.
(In this blog post I'm going to share with you 3 ways to dive into self-discovery when you've lost touch with who you are)A few weeks ago I sent out an email discussing being seen (if you missed it you can read it here). Afterwards, the emails flooded in…
“I don’t even know who I am anymore”
“Most people don’t know the real me”
“I never feel seen!”
First, let me say… I. SEE. YOU!I see myself in your stories, in your words and in your pain. And thank you for reaching out to me!You are not alone. Please remember this.
The truth is most women don’t feel seen.
How can we when we don’t even know who we are?
How can we when we don’t show ourselves to the world?
How can we when we’ve hidden who we are under all the masks of false identities?
It’s a double edged sword. On one hand we crave being seen. And on the other hand we’re terrified what people will think if they see the real us.
So we hide, we wear masks, and after years of this being our norm the real us becomes hidden until we don’t even know who we are anymore.
This is a cycle that I’m personally familiar with. I think my first mask was created in middle school to fit in with the cool kids. I remember entering 6th grade as someone with a childlike spirit who rode horses, was in girls scouts and with a group of friends I had been friends with since kindergarten. I ended the year as one of the popular kids with a new group of friends. My child like essence had been replaced with doing what I needed to fit in. And then that became my life - believing conforming to the norm was more important than expressing my authentic essence and letting the world see the real me. 
Creating mask, after mask, after mask…
A lifetime of creating masks caught up with me when I was in my late twenties, and I went through somewhat of a quarter life crisis. At one point I had died my hair dark brown as if creating another mask would solve the unhappiness that consumed me. I remember looking in the mirror and the reflection staring back was a stranger to me. That moment was one of many that put me on the path I am on today, a path of healing and self-discovery. It’s taken me years to remove all the masks, layers of false identities, the shoulds and supposed to’s that have controlled my life. It’s a journey I’m still on and one I’m fiercely committed to guiding other women on. When I think back to my late twenties, when the world felt like it was crashing down around me, there are 3 things that stick out as integral on my journey of self-discovery.
Lao Tzu is credited with saying, “The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step” and the journey of self-discovery is no different.
Here are 3 steps you can to take right now:
Journaling
Journaling is my saving grace and the place I go to process, release and reconnect with myself. I started a journaling practice a decade ago and have been journaling every morning since. For example, this morning I was having “a moment” and after 30 minutes of journaling I felt calm and grounded. Some people say that yoga does that for them, but for me it’s processing everything through writing. Maybe it’s my Scorpio Moon. I stand firmly behind my belief that journaling is the most powerful tool of self-discovery. If you’re ready to start a journaling practice, this free guide will help you.
Personality Types
The first time I took the Enneagram (a personality test) I discovered I was a type 7 which is The Adventurer or The Enthusiast depending on which test you take. I thought my spontaneous, versatile, distractible, restless, enthusiastic, always searching for something better nature was something that made me a bit crazy, but when I took the test and realized these are key attributes to Type 7, I began to understand myself in a better way. I was able to meet these characteristics with compassion. Personality tests are great because they can give you a better understanding of who you are and why you are the way you are. Plus, they’re kind of fun!I suggest starting with taking these two: Enneagram: www.enneagraminstitute.com(you can also Google “free Enneagram test” if you don’t want to pay to take this one).Myers Brigg: www.16personalities.com
Personal Values
If you’re feeling lost and disconnected from who you are, I highly recommend identifying your Personal Values. Discovering my values not only gave me deeper insight to who I am, but gave me a foundation from which I could start building MY life (no mask required!). Values are who we are. Not who we want to be, or think we should be, but who we are deep down. They are the foundation for creating our most fulfilling, happiest, best life!When we live life aligned with our values, life is good and fulfilling. When we don’t, life feels blah, filed with discontentment and unfulfillment. As we start to create masks and become influenced by others (parents, peers, society, etc.) it’s common to lose touch with our values and begin living other people's values instead of ourse, further disconnecting us from ourselves. This blog post will walk you through the step-by-step process to uncover your values. Once you uncover your values begin asking yourself, “Where am I honoring my values? Where am I not?”. The more you can honor your values, the more you’ll begin living a life aligned with who you really are.
The world wants to see the real you!
xo,
Em